Budget 2026: Government Promises To Tax Everyone Except The Ones Who Vote Most

The Irish government has unveiled Budget 2026, a fiscal plan hailed as “bold, creative, and entirely incomprehensible.” Officials promise it will fix housing, shorten hospital waiting lists, and still leave enough change for one (1) new roundabout.

New levies will apply to “unnecessary luxuries” such as owning a second kettle, breathing in Dublin smog, and making eye contact on the Luas. A ‘silent scrolling’ tax on doom‑scrolling after midnight is expected to raise billions and several eyebrows.

However, pensioners, swing voters, and anyone with a home address in a marginal constituency will remain gloriously tax‑free. “It’s targeted fairness,” said one TD. “We hit young professionals hardest, because let’s face it, they complain on Twitter but still pay their taxes out of habit and guilt.”

Reaction has been mixed. One student described the budget as “a spreadsheet disguised as a mugging,” while a landlord called it “a minor inconvenience, like finding someone else’s socks in your dryer.” Business groups praised “clarity,” by which they meant they are clearly unaffected.

To help the cost of living, the government will also introduce a voucher entitling households to one free sigh per day. Critics say the sighs are non‑transferable and expire before the next rent increase.