Minister Promises To Build 5,000 Homes Out of Lego by 2027

DUBLIN — In a pledge that startled both toyshops and housing economists, Housing Minister Declan Bricky unveiled a plan to deliver 5,000 homes constructed entirely from interlocking plastic bricks by 2027. He spoke on the steps of Leinster House while holding a brightly coloured model semi‑detached and promising a ‘fast, cheerful end to the crisis’. The podium wobbled visibly, which aides insisted was ‘a demonstration of modularity’.

The proposal imagines a national kit‑home programme: families would receive numbered boxes, a bilingual instruction booklet the size of a phone directory, and a complimentary minifigure ‘for scale and company during stressful moments’. Community build‑days would be organised by county councils, with tea, high‑visibility vests, and a DJ who only plays songs with the word ‘brick’ in them.

Financing, the minister said, will be ‘innovative’: local authorities can repurchase loose pieces from under sofas, while a new take‑back scheme will let the State buy back unused bricks from parents’ attics at competitive rates per kilo. Procurement officials admitted the calendar is tight because of Christmas, but argued that Santa is ‘a valued stakeholder and logistics partner’.

Engineers have questions that are not yet jokes. How will the homes perform against Irish wind? Will planning officers accept chimneys attached with a single stud? What is the fire rating of a living room designed to look like a pirate ship? Bricky replied that the country has ‘plenty of rain to keep everything cool’ and promised a technical appendix ‘as soon as we find the bag with the small pieces’.

Supporters say the scheme could rebuild civic spirit as well as houses. Community groups are already organising ‘Click‑and‑Mortar’ workshops to teach safe snapping, de‑snagging, and conflict resolution for when somebody sits on the roof section. Children adore the idea; one nine‑year‑old from Portlaoise demanded her family receive a pink turret, a moat, and a slide directly into the kitchen.

Less enchanted are mortgage lenders and insurers. A bank spokesperson warned that valuations may fluctuate ‘during playdates’, while insurers seek clarity on perils listed as Acts of Toddler, Errant Hoovering, and Sudden Barefoot Incident. Landlords asked whether repairs would be as simple as ‘borrowing a bit from the downstairs loo’.

The pilot estate, provisionally titled Brickfield Downs, is mapped to a field outside Portlaoise. Costings in the leaked memo include a line for ‘lost tiles’ and a contingency for ‘we’ll find it later in the hall’. Asked to demonstrate build quality, the minister stacked three bricks, smiled, and watched them separate. ‘That was a planned test of resilience,’ he clarified.

In closing, Bricky vowed that Ireland would ‘not be out‑built by children’. He promised quarterly updates, a national missing‑piece hotline, and a solemn guarantee that every home would come with a tiny green door ‘because tradition matters, even in plastic’. Whether the plan clicks together remains to be seen; for now, the country is searching the carpet for policy.