The G7 announced a historic agreement to phase out fossil fuels by 2099, plus or minus a century depending on vibes. Leaders described the timeline as \u2018ambitious yet comfortably vague,\u2019 perfect for press releases and grandchildren\u2019s homework.<\/p>\n
Under the plan, countries will set aspirational goals, then revisit them annually to adjust adjectives. A new fund will support communities transitioning away from fossil jobs into equally confusing green ones, like \u2018wind wrangler\u2019 and \u2018solar sommelier.\u2019<\/p>\n
Environmentalists groaned: \u201cAt this rate, the dinosaurs will come back before fossil fuels go away.\u201d Energy companies applauded the \u2018clarity\u2019 while discreetly investing in candles.\u201d<\/p>\n
To demonstrate commitment, leaders travelled to the summit by hybrid limousine and promised to plant trees every time someone mentions coal on television. A timeline graphic shows steady progress right up to the bit labeled \u2018TBD\u2019 in large friendly letters.<\/p>\n
Negotiators admit there\u2019s still work to do, but assure the public the planet will be fine \u201ceventually, probably, fingers crossed.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
G7 vows to phase out fossil fuels\u2026 sometime this century, maybe.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"colormag_page_layout":"default_layout","footnotes":""},"categories":[110,5,93,6],"tags":[36,138,142,124,108,157],"class_list":["post-10046","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-climate","category-politics","category-satire","category-world","tag-climate-policy","tag-energy-transition","tag-fossil-fuels","tag-g7","tag-humor","tag-summit"],"yoast_head":"\n